To the Sky.

I haven't blogged in a while. It's 1:08 am and baby I feel like blogging.

So in this post, I feel like talking about this certain boy. He has been on my mind a lot these past couple of days, I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing. I need to talk about him. I haven't had a chance to talk to my amazing awesome best-friend because we have been both busy with stuff and our lives. So haven't told her the major details. And I am telling you my fellow readers first.

Okay, I'm just going straight to the point. I have feelings again for my first boyfriend. My very first boyfriend, the one who stole my heart first. The one who I shared my first kiss with. The one who was hit by a car in 6th class and made me cry my eyes out when I heard the news. The one who everyone slags because he is totally obsessed with the sport hurling. The one who gives me his jacket during cold evenings if I'm freezing. The one who carried my bag after a very long tiring day of Sports day back in Primary School. The one who would always play games around me and tease me all the time. The one who makes my heart beat faster when I receive a text from him. The one who would always sing any songs with me. The one who would let me punch him in the stomach because he likes to show off his 6 or 8 pack. lol.

Ahhhh. Lovebug. Who ever thought that I would catch it around this time of the year. I rather not reveal his full name, so I'm just going to call him Hurler in this blog.

If I remember correctly, I actually started liking him at the start of this year, because of the snow days we had here in Ireland. But I then found out that he liked another girl and weeks later asked her out to be his girlfriend. Which unfortunately, broke my heart into million pieces. It took me a while to recover, because i started liking someone else. To get over someone, find a new someone. Unfortunately aswel, with the new guy. I just knew it wouldn't work. Sooo I insisted in myself, who needs a man when I have the two most amazing guys in the world. BEN&JERRY. hahaha. I joke.

6 months later with Hurler and his girlfriend, they finally broke up. During that time, I really couldn't care less about them. I was happy living a single life. At the start of School Year. I ended up being in the same class with Hurler. I was happy yet not super happy happy with that. Happy that "Yayyy. I get to be with my good friend Hurler." But that was it, just my good friend, because we were always and will be good friends.

So on September 15, I remember precisely the date, because that was the day I got my Junior Cert results, which by the way was good. All honours. WOOOO. On that day, my friends and I went out and celebrated our results. We went to a night-club and we dance and celebrated hard. On the dance floor, I heard people talking about Hurler wanting to dance with me and to kiss me. They said that he likes me. I was convinced to myself.."Naa, this is nothing. They're probably messing or something" But I somehow ended up kissing Hurler. We danced first, up-beat dance to a slow-dance in which the song was "Airplanes - B.O.B ft Hayley Williams"  to a kiss. Which continued on to more kissing. *Oh the memories in thinking back as I write this* All in all. I had a wonderful night that night. It was just amazing, and went home with an enourmous smile on my face.

Ever since that day, I couldn't help myself but open back up the feelings I had for Hurler.

We started texting. We both had unlimited texts, so it didn't go to waste. Day to Night. Text - Text - Text. It was unsual for a day if I didn't receive a text from him. I'd be wondering...I wonder whats making him busy.

Well a couple of weeks ago, my house was burglarised. My family and I went out to a friends house for dinner and came back home with the house completely wrecked. Everything was a complete mess. I'm not going to lie. I'm still terrified of this house I'm living in. Thinking to myself, someone, stranger or strangers were in my house. In my room, going through my stuff. The feeling I use to have of safety, all gone.

So a week later after the burglary, I was just not myself. I decided to myself to let lose because I needed to get out of the house, away from the feeling of danger. I went out with my friends, my mother said to be back home at 7pm. They didn't understand what I felt. I went home at 11pm instead. I knew it was a bad decision that as I got home I was in serious major trouble. But couldn't help myself and smile because I was with Hurler the whole time I was out. He made me feel safe and protected, for obvious reasons I knew he's a black-belt in kickboxing, but still. That one night, I didn't feel scared at all. Well for staying out late so long. I was grounded, wasn't allowed to have a social life, do all the chores at home. But good thing, they didn't take away my cellphone, which I still continued on texting Hurler. His texts completes my day.

Now that my unlimited texts has ended, because it was just a 30day deal. I feel uncomplete? He still texts me, but I rarely text him back because I don't have credit to, or I just use webtext in which I rarely get the chance to get on the computer during the time he texts. He's been telling me that he wants to see the movie "Ledgends of the Guardians" when it comes out on screen. He asked me to go see it with him, which at that time wasn't sure if it was just going to be me and him or with our group of friends. This week, the movie came out. He brought up the movie again, and asked me what time we should see it. I stepped my foot down and asked him directly, "so is it just us two?" And he replied "yes" I was over the moon.

On the 22nd of October, we went to the cinema to watch Ledgends of the Guardians. A movie about talking owls fighting. I only watched it because of him. Well...I'm going to call it a date, because it was just us two and he paid for my ticket and held the umbrella for both of us because it was pouring rain on the way to the cinema. He was a complete gentlemen. During the movie, he made moves. Making me look the other way and as I did, he putted his arms around me. Smooth. Asking me how big my hand was compared to his and then slowly holding it during the rest of the movie. Argueing over money on who's paying for the food. (I paid, because I had to pay something during the whole night) Hugging me tightly as we walked back to the bus-stop because I was cold. And giving me kisses as we watched the movie, and as we waited for the bus and as he said his goodbye where we departed at the spot.

I'm falling for him again. But the thing is, I don't want to be in a relationship. In my opinion, they're messy and very complicated. But my feelings for Hurler is growing and growing every day. I know that he likes me, because he has confessed to his friends and to my friends that he likes me. But our situation is that he doesn't want to be in a relationship aswel, but deeply deeply cares and has feelings for me back.

So what do we do?

-----------------------------------------------------

WOW. This is a long post. Appreciate to anyone who finishes reading this =)