24+

Current location: Hong Kong Airport

Time: 17.52pm 

Feelings/Emotion: Tired and Hungry 

Weather: Sunny. Very Hot! 

I'm finally on my way to the Philippines, but one of our stop overs was in Hong Kong and it was a 16 hour stop over, which meant my family and I had at least over 10 hours to tour around Hong Kong. It truly is a beautiful place but in my opinion, I would not tour Hong Kong in just 10 hours more or less even coming from a 12 hour flight from Amsterdam. I was completely wrecked, walking around Hong Kong and the weather didn't helped at all. I live in Ireland and my skin is used to any weather less than 21 degrees. Anything more I begin to just sweat like a pig. Literally, and I'm a lady. As I type this post I am in the departure waiting area, waiting for my flight to Philippines where my six weeks vacations will begin. I am so excited but at the same time, I'm really missing someone very special to me. I forgot to tell you, the night before my flight myself and Moy got into another arguement and almost went to the splitville...again. I really thought that he didn't care at all about my departure for Philippines and I was really upset because I thought he would care more. The main point is that, he still has the heart that I fell in love with at the very start. He always know how to make my heart melt. He surprised me at my door with Argentine cornbeef with rice, with a can of coke and a few sweets for the early morning flight I had. Unfortunately, my parents found the food and ate the cornbeef and rice before the night even ended. He knows that every time myself and Moy fight and afterwards he brings me food, we become okay again. So I hope he'll figure out this pattern for every time that we fight. Just bring food and we'll make up. lol. Anyway, six weeks will be very long. I found it really hard to cope without Moy for three weeks let along for six weeks. But this is a challenge for both of us, he believes in us again, in me. And I'm going to believe in him and in us again. I'm going to come back to Moy in August with a better and stronger relationship. Kapit bisig <3 

While I'm here waiting, here's a picture of me in the Hong Kong harbour today. 

Aren't you a little asshole

Anger, frustration, hurt, disappointed is all that I'm feeling right now. Why does he not care. Why am I always feeling worthless and useless to him. I dont feel like a girlfriend or a best friend or even a friend to him. Why does he says all the perfect things and yet never does them or mean them when he says it. This blog has been constantly about my feelings, emotions and shit for Moy and this really needs to change. I am tired, constantly feeling like shit because I'm not that imporant to him anymore. This relationship literally doesnt have any trust. He doesn't trust me I dont't trust him. 

He's always lying, making up excuses, breaking promises. And me? Well I kissed a guy on my Graduation night. I guess that's fair since I did that, I should be treated like I'm nothing in the relationship. Fanfuckingtastic. 

Because he doesnt want drama. I'll let it out here instead..

This feeling sucks so much. I'll never be important in his life because he knows that I'm one of those people he can put aside in his lives and then come back to them whenever he feels like it. This feeling sucks because I'm willing to do anything for him, just to spend one last time with him, to hang out with him, to hug and kiss him, to reassure that he's ok, to make him feel loved and important in my life.

Theres this friend of his, that's leaving tomorrow for Philippines for good. She's going to study there and she brought every close friends of her to her house to say goodbye and to watch the NBA Championship. And ofcoarse, Moy went. He always goes anywhere with his SC no wonder why his parents thinks he's just a boarder in their house because he comes and go whenever he feels like it. But anyway, yes. I understand that Moy has to say goodbye and everything. But what about me. Why do they get to take away Moy from me on my last few days here in Ireland. I know I'll only be gone for 6 weeks but he's still mine. And I want him. 

Is it wrong that ever since I finished my Leaving Cert all I wanted to do was spend time with him. But things change, he finally got a job and he's always busy with his GYM, SC and Games so I can't do anything else except to just accept it and understand. Before all of the shit and drama happened in our relationship, before he went home to the Philippines he promised me that after my LC he would treat me out. He would save money to celebrate the end of my LC. He promised that we would watch Fast and Furious 6. He said that he would have a blow out of just myself and him because of all the hard work I put in, into the LC. But nothing happened. Things change, people change, plans gets ruined.

I'm not that important to him anymore. I can tell it. He's slowly moving away from me which confuses me so much after every heart to heart talk we both ever had. He didnt care for my LC to just support me when I needed that someone to reassure me that everything will be ok. When I was basically at that major stressed to the max point with my LC but he wasn't just there. And now, I leave for Philippines in less than 30 hours and we hadn't even had a proper goodbye yet and I doubt there will be one. He's stayin over with his friends tonight, the one I said was leaving tomorrow for Philippines. I do understand, he wants to say goodbye to his friend. But what about me? Am I not important to him? Am I not his girlfriend? He didn't care for me when I was doing my LC, he now doesnt care about me when I'm about to leave for the Philippines for 6 weeks. What's next? He's probably not going to care anyway for our 2 Year Anniversary or my birthday. He's going to be busy anyway, he always is. I'm just one of those people he puts aside and then comes back whenever he feels like it. I'm no longer his girlfriend. And this feeling really really sucks so bad. It hurts so much. 

I guess I should really just accept the fact that I'm not that important to him anymore. 

Haynakooo

I should just really stfu and mind my own business. I should just let him do whatever he wants, it's his life, his choice, his consequence. He has his own life, I have my own. I should really care less or even not bother to care anymore because I don't think he even cares that much anymore. Why do I always have these type of thoughts where one day i'm madly inlove with him and then the next day, I can't wait to just move on from him. I swear, sometimes I think I'm bipolar from this relationship. It's frustrating and so annoying being like this. 

I guess in a way, I just wanted him to give a little part of his day to me where we would actually make effort to communicate and shit. But it's been like this recently, most of the time actually. He's busy all day and at night time he's too tired...or still busy. Either way, I've comed to terms that myself and Moy are no longer the people we fell in love with 23 months ago. We rarely do the things to make the other person happy anymore and it's sad thinking about it, because once you have that person. All the effort is gone, unless you both are willingly enough to still put in the effort and care for the relationship.

I understand Moy is busy, he got accepted in Bubblecity and I am so proud of him. He's finally a working boy! I understand that he's going to be busy and will be tired, but at the end of the day he still has times for his gym and games and his SC but no time, not even a proper conversation for our relationship. 

Maybe I'm just over thinking again. I probably am anyway. I should just stop thinking about myself and Moy because it's not good for my health. Like, it literally is bad because it really would drive me insane just over analysing every single thing. Just have to remind myself that things will change in the future, whether it's good or bad. But it will change for sure. I'm going to Philippines for the Summer and everyone knows it's more fun in the Philippines. College life soon aswel, new people and new life style. Just have to stay strong and look forward to whats ahead in my life. 

I really need to care less though. Care less, less disappointments, no pain. 

Feelings, emotions and shit

The Things I would do for that boy, just to make him happy in a way that I know I am able to put a smile on his face. Why can't he do the same, or atleast spare a few moments of his day just to talk to me. Maybe, I'm just too clingy that I need to have communication with him everyday. Well..I guess not anymore. :( 

Wonderful Discovery

Ever since Trix took back his laptop, I havent had a chance to blog anymore. Well ofcoarse with my busy schedule to my Leaving which I have to thank God that it is finally over. But also, thank God I discovere this application on my phone. That way, I don't need a laptop or computer to blog when I can do it here instead on my phone night and day anytime anywhere. I think this will be good, even better I think. 

So who needs Moy's laptop? Not me. 

LEAVING CERT.

LEAVING CERT TOMORROW AND I AM JUST LAYING DOWN ON MY BED WATCHING ELLEN DE GENERES VIDEOS ON YOUTUBE! #WHATLEAVINGCERT

We are never ever ever ever ever ever getting back together.

I think the title of this post says it all. But I like to write, and therefor...I shall write. 

At some point in our lives, we can't hold on forever. Especially when there's nothing to be holding on to. I think I am done. Like literally, I just don't know what to do anymore because I don't think there's nothing for us. We've been down hill ever since our First Anniversary and constantly we've been fighting. I'm just tired and just want to get away. I'll be finishing school in like 10 days and then I'm off to the Philippines for 6 whole weeks. I'll be starting college as well and I am just so damn excited for everything new that's coming to my life. To be honest, I just want to be happy again. I just want to find happiness. I don't want to be worrying and being paranoid and always feeling worthless to someone who I appreciated and basically placed him on a shrine in my world. I know it's my fault as well maybe because we both ended up like this due to my actions from my graduation night. But you know what, fuck it. He's never going to be there for me when I need him, especially times like this when I need someone to calm me down and comfort me as THE LEAVING CERT IS FUCKING TOMORROW. I do try to fix our relationship. I'll always be there for him when he needs me and I will cheer him up when ever he's down. I don't know what to do anymore when he's always pushing me away, ignoring my texts and calls. In other words, it's better to have nobody than have someone who is never there for you. I know he's enjoying his Summer right now and good for him. I'll enjoy my Summer as well, starting on the 13 of June at exactly 4:30 pm. I'm gonna move on. No more. I promise.