I really have no idea anymore

It's been over 3 days and still, Moy hasn't replied back to my messages or answered any of my Face-time. Technology is great, now a days you can see when people are online and when they were last online. I know it sounds a bit creepy and stalky but hey, the information is there so why not use it?

I know, Moy hates me. And what sucks is that I have no idea what to do. If there was a way, I mean anything that I can do to fix us I would definitely do it but I just have no idea anymore. At some point, I do get tired aswel. Worrying over a boy, worrying about a relationship when I am still young to be even worrying about a love life. And I have my exams coming up, which definitely is not helping. The Leaving Cert is my future, I need to do good in order to have a good future to get my dream course and hopefully get my dream job which I'm still not quite sure yet on what it is exactly. 

I'm confuse, I sometimes ask myself here and then what if this is good. Myself and Moy have been constantly fighting almost every day for the past one year. And yes every relationship has their problems but nothing compared to us where we can't even trust each other with our Facebook passwords. To be honest, I lost my trust in him a long time ago, I don't really know why or how I just did. And I guess this week, he lost his trust in me which is fair because I did break the trust. But who knows, back to my point what if myself and Moy should break up. What if it's for the best? What if this is how it's suppose to end. What if we're not suppose to have a happy ending. What if. 

I do want to get away from this all. I mean, I literally need to focus on nothing else except on the Leaving Cert. And this whole situation between me and Moy is not helping with my studies at all. If I can forget about him for 3 weeks that would be great because the next three weeks is going to be hell for me. And after the Leaving Cert I will finally have freedom and whats great is that I'll be leaving for Philippines for 7 whole weeks. If I do have any active followers and are reading this, just Google "It's more fun in the Philippines" and YES. It is more fun in the Philippines. I haven't been home for over 4 years and I just want to have fun. Same goes with last Monday, I wanted to have fun but I didn't mean to kiss someone. I just wanted to let lose of myself and forget about everything, every problem, everyone and just have fun. I want to enjoy. I want to make great memories, meet new people and have a great adventure in the Philippines. 

But then again, I still want Moy. I still want a future with him. Whenever I see something like a Rangerover, or a Bulldog or watch a movie where the couple finally gets their happy ending I think of Moy. I just don't know what I want anymore, and with Moy ignoring/avoiding me I have no idea what to do. But first, I just really want to do good in my Leaving Cert and after that, that's when I'll worry about other things. 

I will give him time and space because I too...need time and space. I guess only time will tell.